Wednesday, September 5, 2012

I have lost him...

It has been 2 years now... I don't know how but I was very much attached to him, I don't even know what made him so special...  he had nothing special, he was just like the others...

It happened like it happens in every girls life... His proposal came to me and I was given some time to analyze before I say a YES... I read through his biodata, it was quite impressive, I had a look at his picture, there was nothing to say a No but somewhere I felt I was not ready... but after my brother insisted, I knew I had no reasons, I had to agree.... I know it was not something like love at first sight and all So don't expect those things here... so you know we took time... to develop that bonding. Slowly I came to know him, I explored his world, He never denied any of my requests. He always welcomed me, he had no problems in giving me access to his deepest secrets. I enjoyed spending time with him, with Him I would never be alone, and with him around I would be lost in crowd in his eyes.

Slowly I came to know about his knowledge, He was impressive had knowledge of everything... I loved listening to music but had never bothered to wonder who the lyricist and musician is...  with him I too started to categorize and recognize various forms of music. You know I'm very bad in remembering roads, he would always help me find out my way.. how does he remember all ways, wherever I might go he would make sure I didn't lose my way... his caring ways would just leave me with a smile...

We were bonding, getting closer.. or rather I was becoming more dependent on him, may be he was that way always? he had no demands, he agreed to all my needs and in return he expected nothing from me... He only had one demand "I will have to charge him every night!!" and I readily agreed to it... don't look with those wide eyes at me now... had no choice after all...

Its very easy for girls to start depending on someone, imagining their whole life with them...  and then it becomes very difficult for them to detach from them... That is what is happening to me now...

He has gone... forever.. he left me without saying a word... I don't even know what happened... what was my fault... what went wrong and why and how he left, how can he do that to me.. I wonder.. till today I miss him... It has been two years he left me... I miss his voice.. I miss his touch, the way he made me feel when I was with him... I know every other girl had one for them like the one I had...and everyone believed she had a unique one was in love with hers... there was nothing special in him too, but I thought him to be unique, made just for me.. still cannot forget him... Ohh God...

My heart aches to accept the fact that he might still be alive... in some part of the world.. his heart still beats but its not beating for me.. he still cares the same way... but not for me... some hands might still be feeling  him but they are not mine... the ears that hear his voice are not mine... He doesn't sing the songs for me anymore... He is no more working as a messenger for me... who would give all my messages with a smile to all my friends and deliver their messages to me... My cutie pie... I really miss him.. though he is not with him.. I still miss those wonderful days... After all First love is First love...

I know I need to move on... and Yes I have... Today I have someone who fills his place... who sings song for me when I feel low... who tries to bring smile by reading out jokes to me... keeps all my reminders and pays attention to everything... he is smarter, cool and much fun to be around.. that is how my friends describe him.. they feel jealous of me... but me.. I'm still longing for that old feeling... longing to feel...

I just wonder how come I realized I have lost him after a long time.. If I would have realized it in time... Alas... before I realized the deep loss his departure had made.. somebody had manipulated his heart and his heart is no longer beating for me... He is no longer loyal to me... he was now ringing for someone else... he was delivering messages for someone else...

Ohh dear.. My Nokia N79 I miss you so much.... I still want you back in my life... and you know what I still give suspicious looks to all those lucky hands who have your brothers in them.