Monday, March 12, 2012

...


Today it seems to be the dullest day of my life…  :(
Im feeling so sad for no reason… Im trying to analyze what went wrong since morning but…  don’t know what has happened.. feeling too low…
Actually I’m feeling like… my life is useless !! :| I dont wanna live… Ohh GOD…
But then I think about my family and my loves ones I have to live for them… ??
They have supported me in every thing that I did… I have to live… I can’t fill their rest of life with sadness…
But what and how to live a life that one does not want to spend???
Stop making yourself think on this topic.. damn.. you are just 23… so young and thinking of death… Her mind was trying to divert her from what her heart felt…
Sometime in between writting her feelings down and controlling the sobs, wiping the tears she kept her head on her laptop and went to sleep…. Not knowing what destiny had stored for her…
Her mind was suspecting her heart for the intentions it had stored in it…
That was her life… that was why she lived…. She spent her life without any motive.. without any goal… just writting down everything that came to her heart on her lappy… He was her best friend who would listen to her every feeling without trying to manipulate them…. She spent every evening like this in dilema.. To live or Not To Live… till that day when it happened… After that day… It changed her life forever… she could not even think of dying…. Rather she now thought of killing….

Did you ever felt something like this ever in your life?
… Whispers of love… Listen to them carefully…
Coming soon.. keep watching!!!
and.. OMG… wht did u think??? Im very sad?? huh?? :P
I don’t wanna live ?? .. :) That will happen never… :P :P

Thursday, March 8, 2012

~.~.~SHE~.~.~

It was one of the dreadful days of her life she had never thought of.She loved him so much and he did love her in return… But today had something different in store…

today they argued and fought over silly issues… both claiming the other was guilty. With a Thud he left the room… not wanting to increase the argument.. leaving her alone, she collapsed on the bed and with ease let the tears flow…

She cried; her heart ached and asked her again and again why it was like this? He said, he cannot see tears in her eyes but then how could he be the reason for tears in her eyes? He could not bear a tear in her eyes… but what about her heart that is crying silently?

He could not bear a slight scratch on her skin, but what about the scars that were created on her soul He said he understood her, but he could not say a single word of encouragement when she was down, all her world against her, didn’t he know how she felt then?

She knew he loved her.. there was no doubt… she knew he cared but something was going wrong, she could not express her feelings and he could not see her hidden pain, it was unseen; as it was for the world She had wished only one thing in return from him – he should understand her feelings! Was she asking too much?

He can never understand me.. our relation is going nowhere she thought to herself.. this has to end here.. her mind was taking extreme steps as it could not handle the pressure her heart was into. She cried and cried till the wee hours of morning when sometime she went to sleep….

…. And when she woke up in the morning … Her eyes were swollen; throat was soar and she could hardly breathe! Even after the sleep she could feel everything that the last night brought with it…

But her pain had sublimed with the rising sun
and she again submitted herself to him…
. … To love her, to care about her… to HURT her…

Because she knew that when she loved him she gave him the complete right to hurt her!
~~~

~~~Happy Women’s Day!!~~~
In This article I wanted to show how sensitive a women is… yet how forgiving a women is!! When She says she loves you… she loves you with every bit and peice and everyway that she can… !!!
Honour her for being a part of your life, beautifying your life by playing various roles….
….Making you live beautiful moments!! don’t you? 

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My FB page

created page on facebook and the link to my facebook page is:


hope u continue reading...

to receive getting updates from me you only need to go to this page and like it so next time I post something u get an update automatically!! :)
posting to blogspot becomes a bit difficult as it is blocked many times but I will try to post my new stories here.


Regards,
Nishi.

you can mail me feedback at
nishigandha.omanwar@gmail.com

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Infoscion to Mphascian - My thoughts on the change

A journey from an Infoscion to a Mphascian.


It was not an easy decision to make. I loved Infy so much. But the decision was made and I had to honour my decision. There was no way I could backout. Things did change in this transition. It has been a month now Im a Mphascian, When walk through the campus here I see no greenery around I only see concrete buildings. People around give weird looks, common yaar I know we dont know each otherbut cant we smile? In Infy too I was a stranger to 99% crowd but there I felt part of the crowd. The crowd in infy resembeled me or is it just the way Im thinking and lookiing at this?


There was comfort in everything in Infy. I have to find comfort and make myself comfortable. Im living making my self assuaranes that everything will be all right once I get allocated to a project. Im exactly living the phrase "Empty mind is devils workshop" ... I get all sought of weird thought.. so I have decided... Im going to nurture my hobbies... learn guitar.. lear driving car... invest this time of mine in constructive work. Rather than just wasting my time and energy thinking about it.


Things have changed....


I used to travel through an all by myself road... NH - 16 and travel the 35KM dist in 45 min.... Now I travel the 20 KM dist in 1 hr.


I used be busy busy.,.. busy.. Im all free free free In project still as good as on bench


I left home at 7:30 AM... now I leave home at 10:30 AM


I use to get home around 7:15 PM... now I get home at 5 PM..


I had no many... but 2-3 friends to talk with and be around.... Here I have only the system to share my feelings.... that too is for some time.. its on sharing basis.. :(


My lunch time there was so full of enthu...I looked forward for that 1 hr that I spent with my friends... here.. I think that time should not come.. the watch shd move ahead andskip that lunch hr.. but you have to have food.. :(


Infy was so enjoyable... why couldn't give me opportunities... Why would have I wanted to change... ???


But I know this all wil pass... I will like this company.. in matter of days time I will find new friends here, will get involved in activities here.. and soon I will have replacement for everything in Infy... I will forget how deeply I loved INfy... So.. to have memories of those fouind days and how I remembered Infy in the initial days here, Im writing this blog...

Friday, January 1, 2010

New Year Wishes...




Everyone might think about this today, it’s such a common question and such a common thought to cross your mind...
Now when only a few hours are left for the year 2009 to come to an end, I was thinking what did this passing year brought to my life?
what good and bad it added in my life, While I’m writing this feeling like it was just yesterday when I made new year resolutions for this passing year and its again time to make the same resolutions again...
They say time is relative.. when u are happy time seems flying but when you are sad it seems going in slow motion so I think last year was filled with happy moments… so much that I did not even realize that it’s time to say good-bye to 2009 :)
Last year was actually a fun filled year... Home--Office--Home every day!! Though there was work load; yes it was there but I was surrounded with friends who made that pressure too seem like joy... Thanks to all my friends for handling me so well in my bad times... for understanding my silence for listening to my nonstop bak bak!! For every little deed that strengthened our bond... Last year was full of friendship; saw variety of emotions flowing, weird ideas capturing my mind, ups and downs...
After analyzing last few years, for me the odd numbered years were not good but 2009 was a great year. I got to learn many things, made some real good friends, was able to connect to some good old friends!! at the same time lost contact with a few good friends... But I will make it again this year :), explored the writer within me... My blog got alive!! I was able to write a few good articles
It was full of small small joys like:
v knowing people care for you..
v ur existence does matter to a few..
v Discovering that your not that real dumb as you think urself to be.. J you are worth more...much more.. J
life is bundled in small joys!! So was the year 2009!!
'Hasi khushi main waqt kaise nikal gaya pata hi nahi chala.. '
Now when 2010 is here, I want to continue this new bloomed friendship not only for the new year but throughout the life. Looking forward for the support from my friends to be continued... I know you are always there!! :)

We Idiots??



3 Idiots



I felt like it was my story.. my own story... as if characters from my life got alive and were on the screen. :) I felt like going back to college... I wanted to live those days again.. once only once... with those friends.. in that campus... But without the pressure...
wanna go and do back my engineering not to score more marks but to learn more to satisfy the knowledge thirst within me.
Give me some sunshine give me some rain
Give me another chance I wanna grow up once again..
I wanna grow up once again... yess... ‘Ek pal ke liye abb muzhe jine do..’ this song is so touching and so apt...
After watching this movie it again provoked me to think.. mI in the right field.. do I really want to be in IT? Do I love my work? mI enjoying my work? Or I’m doing my job just like anyone else to earn my bread to support my family... Or may be because I don’t want to be left out in the race?
What would have life been like if I would have pursued my interests? would that life be better than this? would I have been happier??
But then they say.. Happiness is the ability to enjoy what comes?so why can’t I find happiness in this job?

Ek Choti si Love Story…



Life’s most beautiful and most awaited day had arrived in Reva’s life… She got married today… after going through all the rituals in reality that she had only dreamt of it was evening 9 PM. It was her first time to be with her in laws.. in a new home… with new people.. with everything new… her first night with her new life… she was tired because of the hectic day... She was brought to her bedroom and was left there to wait for her husband to come which seemed to be the most tensed moments of her life.
As Reva looked around… she got lost in the beautiful ambience of the room and the fragrance of the fresh flowers, her tiredness vanished… she entered in the room minutely observing the room rest of the life she was going to spend… The room was spacious, it had a wardrobe , dressing table with a big mirror, a big bed in the middle which was well decorated with flowers, the window had a wind champ clamped to it… soft breeze was flowing the light blue curtains swayed on the soft music that the breeze played on the wind champ… the whole room was glowing in the light of candles….
Beep Beep… Reva’s mobile started blinking…
1 New Message it showed, Reva clicked on show… Aaaryaaann… she smiled back with excitement.. Aryan was her school friend… her good friend… Who was more than a friend to her, She opened the message with great excitement…

“ Aap se milne se pehle toh hum sirf jee rahe the,
Dil ne dhadakna toh aap se milne ke baad sikha… ”

After reading the message she thought to herself… Aryan is sending such messages? He knows I got married today? He remembers right? These qs started coming in her mind… she got lost in Aryan’s thoughts…
"Move your bag, see its coming in my area of bench... ", said Reva shouting at Aryan; Aryan gave her an angry look and moved his bag.
This was the usual beginning of their school day for Reva and Aryan. Aryan was very intelligent, quiet and honest. Reva had to still explore her qualities... she didn't know what she was good at and what she was bad at... but one thing she did was participate in all school activities though she failed miserably in all of them. Aryan was good in studies one of the toppers in school and very disciplined.
Reva and Aryan studied in co-ed , they had to sit together in the class. They were partners. The row they sat was adjacent to the wall and so however hard Aryan tried at some point of time his school bag would slide and reach in Reva’s bench area… they had marked a border on the bench like India-Pakistan and if anything that belonged to Aryan was sighted in Reva’s region she would shout at him like he has done some crime. Though Reva was a silent girl by nature but she would turn violent every time Aryan did this mistake…
Reva was good at nothing and Aryan was good at everything…. Studies, craft, drawing everything... that made Reva jealous of him… Once they had their drawing exam, they had to draw some animal in the exam… not only studies but Reva was bad at imagination too… she thought for a long time…but could not imagine any animal or bird… when she looked here and there, everyone was busy with their work trying to finish it on time… Reva got tensed… she looked at Aryan… he was busy painting his lion… It’s so nice… Reva thought to herself… she looked at her drawing sheet it was plain... then looking at the lion Aryan had drawn she started drawing it on her sheet… she was doing well when Aryan noticed her copying his drawing… He hid his drawing with a book… Reva got furious… she had drawn only the head of the lion… somehow she completed the drawing… what would have happened if he would have helped me? He is so bad… what does he think about himself? Reva kept thinking to herself on her way back home… I hate him… I hate him… she repeated it to herself.
Somehow Reva cleared her exams and was promoted to next class. The same story repeated, Reva and Aryan were again partners. Reva tried her best but could not get marks… and Aryan was so good in studies and he was son of family friend... that made her more jealous… his parents would come home and praise him and her parents had nothing to praise about her… but his parents never belittle Reva they liked her… so that was not an issue with her. Reva was very poor in her studies... her parents were worried… So finally they arranged tuitions for her at the same place where Aryan use to go. That was of no use… but still it provided a ray of hope to them… It was their craft exam going on…. They could bring a specimen from home and looking at it they could make it for the exams in the class. Reva saw a beautiful cross-stitch design a day earlier to exam she tried the design on a cloth and was very happy with her work... for the 1st time in life she was confident she will be able to complete the needle work in time in the exam next day. Next day she was very nervous in the class, everything that she did went wrong… she could not complete even half of the work and whatever she completed was not to her standards... time was ticking which brought only tension to her... and in her nervousness and tension she could not do anything more… the teacher started collecting the craft work… Reva didn’t know what she should do… She will fail and all evil thoughts came in her mind… Suddenly looking at the specimen she had brought, she thought this is also done by me what if I submit this? So she submitted her specimen as her craft work. Aryan came to know about this… He was an ‘Honest Aatma’… “Teacher Reva has submitted her specimen and her actual work is still with her”, said Aryan standing. The teacher gave strange looks to both and made them sit… Reva was relaxed… Teacher did not understand what the issue was… Finally the results came she was promoted to next class. Now Reva was in 7th class. Aryan was not there in her class or in her school this year. She was so happy…
This year her class teacher was very good and understanding but very strict. Whenever Reva did something wrong the teacher spoke things to her parents. Look at you, is the way you behave? Is this what your parents taught… ? Reva use to get hurt by her statements… She never wanted her parents to be blamed…she started doing her homework regularly… started paying attention in the class… slowly she started recognizing that she too can pass in subjects without much hard work… In her 1st exam she cleared all subjects, that was a great booster for her. Slowly she showed improvement… and in her final exam for the 1st time in her educational career she got result with 70+% her parents and teacher all were happy with her progress. The progress went up and up… and in her 10th class she had raised everyone’s expectations to a level that they expected to get her a merit rank. Though she could not be in the merit rankers she was within 1st ten students in the school. That was a proud moment for her parents. She completed her engineering… a field no one had dreamed she would perceive when she was schooling.
One day her friend Riya called her and told… “Reva you won’t believe whom I met today… You remember Aryan from our school… I saw him today; we work in the same company... I first could not recognize him… he looks so different now…”
Ohh ok… came a cold reply from Reva… though she was surprised to hear that… So he is in Mumbai… she thought to herself… In all these days when Reva explored her hidden potentials… whenever she thought about some good person… whenever she thought about the qualities she would expect in her Mr. Right… she had only one name in her mind… ‘Aryan’… He was intelligent, honest, mannered… It was she who was so jungly…and did not behave… she thought to herself… Slowly she realized she had never been friend to any other boy other than Aryan… All her friends were just friends for name sake... but with Aryan she was different.. she was herself… Aryan was different for her than other boys… There were deep feelings that were waiting to be unfolded. when she came to Know about Aryan from Riya she was actually excited but she was hiding it, not from the world but from herself… she did not want to explore the unknown, untraveled parts of her heart… She did not know why she was so happy to find his whereabouts. Riya introduced them formally on mail. After which they exchanged a few mails and had one-two chat. Aryan seemed to be busy or not interested in talking to Reva. So after that they again lost contact. For long time they did not interact…
He crossed Reva’s mind more often, she wondered what he might be thinking about her. Why he doesn’t talk to her… He might still have an image of dumb stupid use for nothing, good at nothing girl in his mind for her? Will he ever want to be friend with her? Did he remember me through these years at least once? The thoughts were many and none had an answer.
Many such days passed… she joined a reputed org and got busy with her life… one day when she was accessing orkut… a thought came and she searched for him.. Bingo.. !! she found him.. she sent him a scrap… “Remember me? Recognise me? Whose this? J” Next day she found his scrap… he is very excited to find her... they exchange their contact nos. Have chat through orkut…. Reva was very thankful to orkut… I Don’t want to lose you Aryan... You are my friend even if you won’t, I will be in touch with you… she thought to herself.
It’s a rainy day… Reva with some of her friends went to Riya’s wedding… to her surprise Aryan was there. She could not believe herself, just a few days back they wished they could meet and today he was in front of her… Should I go and talk to him? Will it be nice? Will he appritiate it? Will he talk? Many questions started crossing her mind.. Her heart said yes… and her brain said no… he still thinks you to be a stupid dumb girl… the struggle goes on for a long time. Trying to escape everyone’s eye, she kept watching him… she was so excited to see him… he was still the same… the same smiling face… The same sparkling eyes.. having lot of dreams in them… What Riya said he has changed? I could have recognized him even in a crowd. She thought to herself… I won’t get another chance to talk to him in person… to show him that I’m not the same old Reva who used to fight with him on small small things... she walked to him… hi…!! Aryan Right? With expecting eyes she looked at him and he recognized her… Ohh yes… Reva is that you… bringing style in his voice… all his other friends kept gazing at her… it made her uncomfortable but she talked for a while with him and then moved back to her group…
After that Aryan scrapped her about their short meeting… they talk about their school days… and the changes they saw in each other…Time flew and they kept in touch through sms and scraps. Reva’s parents started searching groom for her… whenever she thinks about her would be qualities... she thinks about Aryan… he is so good, so nice, simple, intelligent, friendly… by this time she had done a thorough research about him on orkut.. his friend circle… his testimonials.. his groups… And one thing that she came to know was he had no girlfriend… that was a pleasing discovery…
After a year, Reva gets a call from Aryan.. Hey… what’s up... You don’t access orkut these days?
Hmm ya… My Pc at home is not working. So it’s been days I haven’t accessed orkut… hows everyone at home and all…
You still in same company or switched…
Ohh no no same one…
So what hike did you get… what was the last time you got hike, what % hike did you get last time and which technology are you working with…
They talked for long time… wishing each other a good night they disconnect the call.
He is still the same.. he want so much technical details…. I never bothered when I got the last hike what % and all… what kind of technology people work… huh… sighed Reva… but her heart was pumping with joy. She went to bed... but kept on thinking about him… she could not sleep.. There was a strange restlessness within her. What is happening to me… why do I keep thinking about him? She was very happy… A single call could make her so happy... she was experiencing the feeling for the first time.
As she came back to her senses she found him sitting next to her and observing her with anxious eyes… “ohh… When did you come Aaryan? Why didn’t you ….”
You looked so beautiful lost in your thoughts... did not want to lose the chance… smiled back Aryan.
And what was that message for… we are married now... you can stop flirting with me now... I’m all yours… blushed Reva…
Ohh yes I know… but I don’t want to lose the essence in our relation. I want our relation to remain as it is now throughout our life. But did not reply… madam was so busy in her thoughts… huh?
Jane dil main kab se hai tu? Jab se main hoo tab se hai tu… Dil ko Dhadakna Dhadkane khud hi sikha deti hai, tum hi toh meri dhadkan ho!
Ohh wow!! Is it…
You know Aryan I’m so thankful to uncle oops sorry... Dad... if he would have not taken the initiative u know I would have never been able to get you in my life.. I don’t think I could have ever gathered courage to tell my feelings toward you. May be my love would also have remained unspoken as it does for many. I find myself lucky!!
Hello… then for that you should be thankful to me… I told my Dad to talk to your dad, though I was not confident that you had feelings for me but I did not want to lose you. So I took that chance.
Ohhhhhh… is it… Reva was so excited… that means… Reva tried to control her emotions on her sudden discovery that he too loved her and that theirs is not an arranged marriage but a love marriage… reading her mind Aryan started telling …
You remember how we fought when we were in school… You used to yell at me whenever you found my things in your area... you were Don sorry… you are Don… smiled Aryan, but I loved your scolding’s... I would sometimes purposefully slip my things in your area… the only time when you spoke with me was to scold… laughed Aryan.
Hmmm yes… I hardly spoke with guys…
After I left school in VIIth std we settled here in Mumbai… Mumbai girls.. they were so forward… but I searched a Reva in each of them.. you were so simple and yet so powerful, I could not make any girl a friend here. Not that they were not good… I talked with all of them but could not consider anyone as friend. I remembered my old school , old teachers and old friends a lot.. I missed them a lot and in them I missed you a lot, then slowly studies started getting importance, board exams... then engineering and those hectic schedules… I got engrossed in my work… slowly my memories started fading… but then one day I met Riya… She told me about you… she praised about you a lot, she told me how you topped your college and excelled in sports… from her I came to know you have joined such a reputed company and all other stories. I went through your orkut profile… so many friends... fans… scraps... you seemed be so active member in your group. That made me think you are a way ahead of me… may be you don’t even remember me… so I just talked limited, but after I met with you in Riya’s wedding I cam came to know the real you… the short time that we spent I knew you were still the same simple and sweet Reva, that old Reva for whom my heart was beating. After that I made it a point to be in touch with you.. to make a place in your heart. Then I donno… at some point I did not receive your scrap and our chats stopped… That was the time I came to know that you were something more than a friend to me.. you had captured my mind and heart! whenever you did not reply my message, my scraps… the day used to be blue… My mind would start thinking all evil thoughts… so one day I called you and to my relief I came to know that ur PC was not functioning…
I could not hide my feelings from my mom, One day I had to tell her about you… She talked to Dad… As they knew you and your family from childhood they had no problem with our marriage but the only question was will you accept. I had never talked about my feelings to you and so was not sure if you will accept it but I was very positive. Then Dad talked to your Dad and I just could not believe you said Yes… that was the happiest day of my life I tell you…
Hmmm….
Only Hmmm…. I talked so much… you say something…
Umm…What shoul I say… sometimes silence is golden… silence speaks more than words… Yeh Pyaar hi toh hai jo hume jindagi bhaar ek doosre se bandhe rakhta hai… I love you, said Reva… and they both got lost in each other.

Love..

There is nothing called love in this world.. Huh do u really think there is love... No I think there is only need when need is over love is...